08 Jun 71%
This whole thing was surreal. I remember fantasizing In my childhood that the reality was a gigantic hoax, like in the Truman show movie. That everyone around me was just playing a part to fool me into thinking that’s how the world worked, when in reality I was just a subject of some evil experiment. It felt like I accidentally found out where the fake reality ended and something real began. I could almost – but not quite – see the underlying structure.
Thinking about it now I realize that I should have known to be more careful: if the hundreds of Hollywood blockbusters have taught us anything, it’s that carelessly approaching the unknown leads either to a quick but painful death, usually involving copious amounts of blood, or to a couple of hours of sheer terror leaving you with PTSD (and several dead friends). As I have mentioned before, curiosity killed at least one cat and untold numbers of movie characters. But real life samples are scarce, and clearly suffer from “survivor bias”. Simply because the poor bastards killed by their prying are not here to tell us their story. So maybe I should have run away screaming… But while I was, admittedly, a bit scared, the fear wasn’t nearly strong enough to turn me away from something as peculiar as this.
I suppose there are at least two kinds of fear. There is that primal fear, an animalistic feeling coming from the deep recesses of our brain that we have inherited through millions of years of evolution – it is irrational and overwhelming. It’s the one that makes the hair raise on your neck. I felt a little bit of it then, but more as a warning, a “something isn’t right!” signal, not the “run for your life, NOW!” scream. There didn’t appear to be any clear and present danger. Just weirdness.
The second kind of fear is intellectual. This one originates in predicting all the possible bad outcomes of a particular situation. The more life experience you have, and the more developed your imagination is – the more potentially disastrous developments you can model at once. It’s the answer to the “what can go wrong?” question. I felt that one too, oh yes. But as it’s logical in its roots – you can overcome it with logic, will and resolve. Or curiosity, as it were in this case. Sometimes we are about to do a reckless stunt – even knowing it won’t end well – and yet we do it anyway. Has this happened to you? I bet it has, more than once. And you can’t believe how stupid you were then. Right? Yeah, well. Me too.
This was larger than me. I could have found some super-secret DARPA technology – adaptive military camouflage on steroids or an energy field, or a gate to another world, or maybe a supernatural phenomenon of some sort. How could I let it go? I was very tense, but it was more of apprehension than a primal fear, and inquisitiveness powered by the sheer unbelievable strangeness of this experience was much stronger than the thin voice of common sense.
I really dig technology. But in order for what I was seeing there to be possible, a whole new field of physics would have had to be invented, a new dimension of reality discovered. And when I touched the invisible wall, it felt very special. I still feel shivers go down my spine when I recall that experience. It felt… I can’t really describe it. But somehow I feel that I should, that this is important.
It felt as if I had a new sense awakened just to feel it.